[ phone call to rafael giovanni ]

[slay]

[ how does 10 pm greenwich time translate to chicago? buffy's not really sure, but she does know that it's the weekend and that means it's time for a regularly scheduled call to rafael. you'd think after a certain amount of time, she'd have this time zone thing sorted. she doesn't.

~ring ring.~ ]

Comments

[romanticidal]

[ he's quiet for a moment, and then he says: ] It will be, carina. You will find a way to stop him. All of them.

[slay]

How? You know better than any of us what Keijen can do -- how am I supposed to fight that? How am I supposed to protect you?

[romanticidal]

You don't need to protect me, Buffy. [ a beat ] Which does not mean I do not appreciate your concern or would not always welcome your help.

But it should not be your largest worry.

[slay]

Uh, hello. You almost died. Twice, actually, because don't think I've forgotten Anderson. What's gonna happen the next time either Chad Becksworth's guys or Iscariot's come gunning for us?

[romanticidal]

This time we will expect it.

[slay]

We've been expecting it! Anderson, the Mind Master, Blade. We've always known they were stronger than us, but we've never gotten strong enough to beat them. We don't need to expect it, we need to prepare. [ she sighs, and it's obvious in the pitch of her voice that it's ... not just blade on her mind right now. there's more to it than that, kickstarting this compulsive training regimen. ]

[romanticidal]

I don't remember saying we should not.

[slay]

So, if not training room hours, how are we supposed to beat them? Dumage was right, there's no way we're gonna have enough time to master how to keep their telepaths out. I have to do what I'm good at, and hope it works.

[romanticidal]

[ wis check 21... only when it's not about romantic feelings, ok ] Buffy, what is really on your mind?

[slay]

Nothing.

[ she quiets, rubbing a hand over her eyes. she doesn't want to worry him; this isn't something he strictly needs to know. and she's pretty convincing. (nat 20 bluff ...) ]

I just can't stop thinking about that fight with Blade. We should have been able to take him out, but we don't stand a chance how we are now.

[romanticidal]

[ his sense motive is a 22, but her nat 20 means he decides that his suspicions are probably misplaced... or he gives her benefit of the doubt. ] Then we must be harder on ourselves. You are right about this.

[slay]

He's killing Violet. [ her voice softens. ] He's killing her, and we couldn't stop it. I'm sick and tired of not people able to protect people from them. [ that is probably something rafael understands deeply and will go down a road that buffy doesn't actually want to be on, but she'll make herself feel better about lies and secrets by ........ being honest about a different thing ??? yeah no jk the guilt is still here. ] What if we can't do it?

[romanticidal]

Then we keep fighting. To ensure that those we cannot save are not lost to us for nothing.

[slay]

[ she lets out a sigh and quiets for a moment. some shifting can be heard, but otherwise nothing until she pipes up, finally, with a softer tone of voice. ]

See? This is why it's no fair that you're, like, on the other side of the world.

[romanticidal]

I don't believe for a moment that you need me to tell you what is right, and what is worth fighting for, Buffy. [ the words are warm, however, and slightly teasing. ] Though I am happy to remind you.

[slay]

[ that warrants a smile from her, and she hums her agreement. she's not entirely on board, but she likes rafael's impression of herself. that's a buffy she can get behind. it's felt more and more like she's losing sight of her while she loses sight of the finish line -- she just doesn't see a way to win anymore, and it does help to have the reminder that sometimes they keep fighting because it's worth fighting for, not just to win. that's where she slips. ]

Maybe I just like hearing it from you instead of me. I mean, it was supposed to be a well-disguised "I miss you," but maybe too well-disguised.

[romanticidal]

[ she can hear the sad smile, which is easy enough to visualize - she'd seen it plenty of times to know it by heart. ] I miss you too.

[slay]

This isn't one of those things where, like, I said it, so now you feel like you have to say it, or it'll be awkward?

[romanticidal]

Is this a thing?

[slay]

[ the woman trap that no one saw coming. buffy's voice softens in her verbal shrug. ]

You tell me.

[ do they have a thing ????? are they a thing ??? she is not talking about whether he means the 'miss you' anymore or not but really when has rafael ever made a wisdom check. she's fully prepared to sweep this one under the rug and be cool, but this had to slip out first. ]

[romanticidal]

[ sfjaklf;jafa

he rolled a 2 ] It is a thing I meant, carina. I hope it will not be so long before I see you again.

But you must tell me everything I have missed. How are the others?

[slay]

[ bless his italian heart. ]

They're same old. Kat's doing the whole avoid-y emotionally unavailable thing with Fred. Finnick's ... well, I haven't really seen him, but he's probably still drinking. Des is hanging out at the castle with us and reaffirming every chance he gets that he's not all "part of the ship, part of the crew." Spike's as fickle as always, and I think the others are all just happy for a chance to be home for a while.

[romanticidal]

Have you spoken much to Myri?

[slay]

Uh ... No. No, I -- You know, with the way things ended, and her reasons for leaving, I just don't think ... I don't think she wants us heaping that back on her when she'd just gotten away from it.

[romanticidal]

Are you sure she would not want to know you all still are concerned with her? It cannot have been easy, walking away.