Drunken Phone Call | Everyone's Favorite Drow Lawyer

[isisagent]

[Ring ring ring, ring ring ring, phone call, phone call!]

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[lawofsurvival]

[welp]


... Hello?

[isisagent]

[Pokerface, Sterling.]

Hey buddy, It's Archer, how ya been?

[lawofsurvival]

[ there's a long pause dripping with disdain ] Archer who?

[isisagent]

Sterling Archer. With the International Secret Intelligence Service, and the Knights of the Silver Dragon. We worked together a while ago. I was the handsome one.

[lawofsurvival]

Ah yes. The Knights.

And what, praytell, brings you to call once more upon my illustrious services?

[isisagent]

I need to find someone. And I need someone who is willing to do whatever is necessary.

[lawofsurvival]

Well.

You've certainly come to the right place.

Who is it?

[isisagent]

If I've come to the right place, I'd expect you already know what the situation is. Don't tell me I overestimated you.

[lawofsurvival]

Pithy. You're the one asking me for assistance, I recall.

[isisagent]

Elena Gilbert. Ring any bells? She was magically abducted from our castle.

[lawofsurvival]

And you have no idea who might have been responsible?

[isisagent]

One of Dimitris Sarandis' gang of assclowns - some bitch called the "Mind Master"? I guess they ran out of good aliases.

[lawofsurvival]

And what would they want with Miss Gilbert?

[isisagent]

Collateral? Maybe as a bargaining chip. [Totally not the doppleganger thing.] She makes one hell of an improvised explosive device...

[lawofsurvival]

And what are you willing to provide in exchange for my services?

[isisagent]

[Deal with the devil time.]

Name it.

[lawofsurvival]

Everything you and your Knighthood have learned about the Nightmare god and others' plans for him.

[isisagent]

You're in luck, you just happen to be talking to the guy who's paid him a visit in person.

[lawofsurvival]

You don't say...

I believe we may be in business then, Mr. Archer.

[isisagent]

Alright. Good hunting.

[lawofsurvival]

Not so hasty, my friend. I think we require something of a - how shall we say? - down payment? To convince me you know something worthwhile.

[isisagent]

[I knew we were friends.]

[Archer pays attention to so little about this whole thing... but he knows Lazarus is pretty important.]

Lazarus is dead. How's that for a down-payment?

[lawofsurvival]

Lazarus. Which is a problem because--

[isisagent]

[Oh god, it's like a pop quiz that Archer didn't prepare for.]

Something about him being alive being very important to keeping the nightmare god from doing some really fucked up shit.

[lawofsurvival]

And it was this same Sarandis and company responsible for his very unfortunate demise, I imagine?

[isisagent]

You guessed it. Unfortunately I can't be everywhere at once, and I was preoccupied with tearing the heads off some goddamned Velociraptors.

[lawofsurvival]

What a bracing life you do lead.

And so now there is nothing standing in his way, is that it?

[isisagent]

Well, I haven't seen him strutting around just yet, so I wouldn't go that far... But I think I've given you enough to show that I'm serious.

[lawofsurvival]

Certainly.

I'll see what I can do.

[isisagent]

Sounds good bud.

Drop me a line when you've got some good news.

[lawofsurvival]

Until then.