private ☏ to christos

[socialgraces]

[ ♬ a fine evening for a rogue - lydia. backdated to thursday, november 21st, the day before the trial begins.

although francesca tries to tell herself it's not strange she hasn't heard from christos in almost five months, her rational mind always loses to the uncertainty of her heart, and it's that which leads her to take the initiative to call him. as he answers, however, her anxiety surrounding the situation intensifies (will save 14) and she seems a little more unsure than a few moments prior. ]

Christos, hi.

Comments

[socialgraces]

[ hastily: ] Promise me you won't tell anyone about it.

I'm sure he wouldn't appreciate me spreading the word of its existence. I just... [ tell you everything, for some ungodly reason ]

[everyredcent]

I didn't intend to.

[socialgraces]

I'm sorry, I know you wouldn't. It just carries a certain foreboding vulnerability with it, I guess.

[everyredcent]

Because anyone who hears of its existence would go to terrible ends to attain it? [ look at him making val'drin's gift sound awful ]

[socialgraces]

[ well, it's not as if she hasn't thought of that, too. but it's still an amazing gift :| ] Yes, but I think he has quite a bit of confidence in my ability to keep it close and hidden. If he trusted me with something so invaluable to begin with, I can't imagine he'd have any doubts in regards to me keeping it safe.

[everyredcent]

Quite a tremendous gift then.

[socialgraces]

Yes. [ she swallows thickly ] Quite.

[ she's just gonna turn to her drink for some comfort now, which grants her a moment to figure out what she's going to say to that ] We've had the chance to air some grievances. Given everything that's happened... [ she's insanely vulnerable, while still being equally as guilty?? but she's a coward and this is still incredibly vague: ] Well, grudges tend to seem a lot less important.

[everyredcent]

All's forgiven then? [ why does he sound so personally affronted by that????? ]

[socialgraces]

[ SHE DOESN'T KNOW but it puts her even more on edge ] I wouldn't say that. It's a bit more complicated than all or nothing.

[ she pauses for a moment, her voice softer as she asks: ] Do you think I'm making a mistake, letting him back into my life... in any capacity? [ because no one said anything about sex ]

[everyredcent]

[ ow this conversation is physically painful

are you ready for the most mature thing he's ever done

here we go ]

I suppose that entirely depends. [ look it could have been an adamant YES ]

[socialgraces]

[ i'm not sure i am ready for this... nor is she ] Depends on what?

[everyredcent]

On whether you believe he actually possesses the capacity to ever change.

Personally, I don't see it.

[socialgraces]

I'm not certain I want-- It's not fair to expect someone to change, or to ask that of them. [ but she does wish he would be more open about his feelings, like he was before, and she knows that does go against his hard-learned instincts ] I think he's changed more than he's willing to admit. We both have. I'm just not certain if that's going to be... beneficial or not.

[ she sighs ] I'm not sure [ and quietly trails off ] what I want anymore.

[everyredcent]

Hardly surprising. You've been through a particularly traumatic ordeal.

No need to leap into any hasty decisions, at least.

[socialgraces]

You're right. [ she sighs again ]

I just don't understand. If I cared about someone as much as he says he cares about me, I would never be able to do something to intentionally hurt them.

[everyredcent]

People will say quite a bit to get what they want.

[socialgraces]

I know that better than most, but I trust his intentions, for whatever that's worth. It's he who doesn't trust mine.

[everyredcent]

Well why the devil not?

[socialgraces]

Apparently it's true what they say, easier to forgive than forget, and I can't say I blame him. It's not as if there's nothing holding me back.

[everyredcent]

Barring common sense, you mean? [ oops that was probably... harsher sounding... than he intended ]

[socialgraces]

[ she's quiet for a moment, before softly answering: ] It's you, holding me back.

[everyredcent]

[ silence for a moment ] I beg your pardon?

[socialgraces]

[ she's s-so glad she's alone as she blinks back a few tears, clearing her throat lightly. this isn't quite the moment for some grandiose confession, she realizes, and instead she offers: ] Um, it's just... before, when you-- when we didn't speak, for so long. I couldn't bear it, again.

[everyredcent]

Those were very ... different circumstances.

[socialgraces]

[ she's not certain how the circumstances are any different, but it's a small comfort, nonetheless ] You're certain? Because I can't lose you, and I'd never want to hurt you. [ see: her aforementioned inability to hurt the one she loves most, at least intentionally ]