text to various

[killingtodeath]

[text sent to Lydia Marin, Adam Weiss, Lila Zacharov, Francesca, and Abigail Hobbs]

THERE IS A TALKING RACCOON IN THE CASTLE.

[text sent to Vi]

Sorry. Also what the actual fuck is going on and why did you bring home a raccoon??

Comments

[killingtodeath]

I don't know but he seemed way too comfortable carrying it.

[bittersweeter]

No one disarmed him? We work with idiots.

[killingtodeath]

We also may work with raccoons soon. They blindfolded me when they brought me in. Can you even knight a raccoon? Is that legal?

[bittersweeter]

We can probably knight a fetus. Personhood and all that.

[killingtodeath]

A fetus can't say the oath though.

[bittersweeter]

Haven't you read Twilight? Telepaths can translate. Besides, have you met Koraith?

[killingtodeath]

He's my mentor. And not a fetus.

[bittersweeter]

If you can knight a dragon, you can knight a raccoon.

[killingtodeath]

I imagine you saying that in the voice of the guy from Dodgeball, FYI

[bittersweeter]

I'm going to hit you with a wrench.

[killingtodeath]

I would prefer it if you didn't.

[bittersweeter]

Bet you would. Talking raccoon. Bet someone has nightmares about him.

[killingtodeath]

Yeah. Me now.

Apparently it has a name. Rocket. Rocket the Raccoon. I can't even make this shit up.

[bittersweeter]

Promise I won't make them worse. Wonder if he named himself.

[killingtodeath]

Why would anyone name themselves Rocket?

[bittersweeter]

The world is populated by people who think Hashtag is an appropriate baby name, are you telling me it's inconceivable that a raccoon who can talk and handle a gun would name himself Rocket?

[killingtodeath]

I'm saying it makes him sound like a side show attraction and I'm guessing that's not his aim.

[bittersweeter]

He's a talking raccoon, he failed.

[killingtodeath]

Best part? He has a Brooklyn accent. I don't know why that makes it better but it does.

[bittersweeter]

Brooklyn? He's probably from Coney Island. Poor lamb.

[ suddenly she feels bad for him because she's an elitest prick and brooklyn is gross. ]

[killingtodeath]

Isn't that a theme park?

[California bb idk]

[bittersweeter]

Historically full of side show attractions. :D

[ she was being such a bitch. ]

[killingtodeath]

So you want to start a betting pool on who he gets squired too?

[bittersweeter]

Have you met Nathan yet? I would pay to see that.

[killingtodeath]

Don't think so?