drakenet | text to various

Are you high and watching that live action Dora the Explorer shit again? Because I thought we talked about this.

No dude. Vi came back from her mission and the group came back with a raccoon. It was carrying a gun.

That shit sounds unsanitary.

Did anyone even get their face blown off?

No but the team looked pretty beat to hell. Not sure if that is raccoon related or not.

Uh, yeah it was. Why else would the rabies brigade bring back the monkey from Outbreak?

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On a scale of one to very, how high are you?

I'M NOT OND RUGS

Very high then.

No I'm serious. The Andres group came back? Whatever an Andres is? And they had a raccoon. It walked on two legs. It talked. It was carrying a freaking gun!

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Did Damon find you again? Are you wearing the cross we gave you?

At least you didn't ask if I was high.

Lydia, I'm serious. Talking. Raccoon.

... ARE you high? I didn't realize that was something I needed to check on.

NO

A mission group came back and they had a blindfolded raccoon. It had a Brooklyn accent!

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Do you think you need a rabies shot?

[ LET HER GIVE YOU A RABIES SHOT. ]

It didn't bite me. It just sassed in my general area.

The talking raccoon did. Is this like when you told me werewolves are real?

Well... kind of. In that both of those things are very true.

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np. he was kidnapped by the bad guy, we brought him home. idk if he's staying. i kind of want to duck tape his mouth shut but that would e ~rude.

Taking the tape off would probably get PETA on your ass for making fur bracelets.

Important question: Is it actually a midget in a fur suit?

rly a raccoon. science experiment raccoon.

So you went to visit your old pal, Dr Moreau?

Edited 2014-09-03 03:31 (UTC)

If you saw a talking raccoon, how would you describe it?

Well, probably not by using the word 'it', but you do have a point. Just be sure to ask said person what they prefer to referred to as before you ruffle any feathers.

I didn't ask if it was a boy raccoon or a girl raccoon. And I definitely didn't check.